Conversations with Victoria

Have you written yourself the starring role in your life story?   Are you the leading lady or the understudy waiting in the wings? Perhaps your carefully considered choices although right at the time have evolved into something different than originally anticipated. Life has a way of “getting in the way” and sending us in a different direction making it necessary to re-assess. Are we where we want to be or at least heading in the right direction?   Many times we find ourselves juggling the needs and obligations of family and work and getting lost in the process or at the very least setting aside our own priorities, relegating them to “later”? It’s important in our caring capacity that we include our own goals and wishes in the mix. If we are not whole and healthy it is going to be very difficult to sustain an appropriate balance with family, friends or colleagues. Given the perceived traditional roles, we have to be pro-active. I am not advocating thoughtless selfishn...

Tribune, May 21st 2019. Last week in this column I talked about the significant role older women will take on in the future growth of western economies both as consumers and providers. Although it is already happening, governments and corporations have failed to acknowledge or take advantage of this. The concept of aging is changing as both men and women in developed nations have a longer life expectancy than ever before. The Longevity Economy by Joseph F. Coughlin is a factual, easy-to-read and informative analysis but it seems there is still a long way to go before we get a major shift of the communal psyche to abandon the prejudice and accept this evolution as a modern reality.  Instead of calling aging a concept, we should call it a construct. A construct which has suited society politically and economically up until now but which is narrow-minded and short-sighted compartmentalising more than 50% of the population into a role deemed to be of lesser value. It denies ...

“We Will Rock You” I am unapologetically making the case for shining the spotlight on older women. Their ability and willingness to continue contributing to society should not be de-valued because of an artificial mathematical deadline. Let’s deconstruct the aging myth that allows older men to still be considered attractive, interesting and respected but sticks a “best by” label on women then parks us on an imaginary shelf as if we should accept becoming passively invisible.  What is not a myth is that the world is becoming more female-centric and for several good reasons. Let’s examine the facts, some of which have been stated by Joseph T. Coughlin of MIT: he says women are better prepared for life after middle age than most men. Ask any man in your family or friends what they plan to do when they retire and they will usually respond with something along the lines of ‘can’t wait to stop work and put my feet up, maybe travel or play more golf. Ask a woman and she will ...

Abandoned They sit on the platform discarded, dejected, rejected like junk,  by a society which couldn’t care less  unwilling to sort out this mess.  Refugees or street people, who knows, no labels, no forwarding address Lost or forsaken, mistaken for trash carelessly pushed by a dirty broom a clean sweep to make room -  for what? Bundles and bags are clutched to their side, lifelines or anchors to lives they hardly recall, and some  of them have no memory at all of the families they lost or left behind  in this perilous race for their life -  degradation has hi-jacked their minds. People pass by, noses in the air discussing this blight on their nation, loudly, as if no-one was there - humanity cluttering up their station. They point to a sign, piously proud: don’t litter, don’t loiter, no waiting allowed. They huff at society’s failings  blindly railing against the laws that allow this un...

Read Between The Lines. "Read between the lines, then meet me in the silence if you can" (May Sarton) www.LifeLineswritingservice.com Letters, cards, paper things - remember them ? I’m happy to be called old-fashioned if it means that I care about some of the things, usages, habits that are falling into disuse in the rush to take advantage of the amazing technology now at our disposal. Don’t get me wrong, I happily use much of it - I’m using it now to write this and am glad to be able to google for quick information. But - and it’s a big but for me, aren’t some of the ‘old-fashioned’ things worth hanging on to because they serve a unique purpose, an added dimension which touches something different and more human in us. I was searching through some personal papers recently and unearthed my father’s hand-written, hen-scratched pages of our family tree. Almost as indecipherable as when I first received them perhaps because I no longer receive cards or letters ...

 "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go". (Thomas Stearns Eliot) We all like to feel comfortable in our surroundings and in our relationships whether with family, friends or work associates. Feeling uncomfortable is ......well ..... uncomfortable and affects our enjoyment not only of the moment but often influences our behaviour. Most of us are not usually at our best when we are stressed or in situations we don't particularly like. We may react in a negative way by retreating into silence, or by being rude, hostile or antisocial in any number of ways which don't reflect our character or normal way of interacting.  And yet, the flip side of feeling discomfort is that it can be the very motivation we need to change and grow. When we are comfortable we don't always appreciate the positives in our lives, we take them for granted and become complacent. Whilst being settled and at peace, happy with our choices is some...

Seaweed I close my eyes  and breathe - smell the seaweed strewn across the sand, hauntingly familiar, the mind-madness momentarily, magically  arrested. Old memories capture me enrapture me and I am free to wander through old dreams. Child, girl, woman in moments of bliss on English days. Cold seas,  shells and seaweed. Or the summer smell of chalk y country lanes -  of hot tar melting on the  road,  shimmering  like oily water  in the sun -  or a meadow, cowslips and cowpats  sharing the space. As I raise my face in this foreign land  looking for release,  the smell of  seaweed  more evocative  than any perfume rescues me. It winds itself  around me,  lingering,  like longing does. Healing. Senses saturated, I drift away. The generous sea sends me home  on scented waves of salt.